Hey everybody,
Today, we’re diving into an important topic: Three Things You Should Know Before Getting Sober. This question was sent in by one of our viewers, and we’re here to break it down in a way that’s practical and useful.
Joining me today is Parham Nematola, a master’s level marriage and family therapist and a recognized addiction counselor in Orange County. He’s also the clinical director and part-owner of a rehab facility, bringing years of experience to this conversation.
How Do People Decide to Get Sober?
Before we get into the three key things you should know, let’s address a fundamental question: How do people even reach the decision to get sober?
Parham explains that change begins when the desire to transform outweighs the desire to stay the same. Different people reach this point for different reasons. Some are pushed by external forces—a spouse, an employer, legal trouble, or even their own children. Over time, the goal is to shift from external motivation to internal motivation. It’s that internal drive that ultimately sustains long-term sobriety.
External vs. Internal Motivation
Dr. B and Parham discuss how external motivation often initiates change, but real success comes when it becomes internal. Many people begin their recovery journey for someone else, but the real turning point happens when they decide, “I started for others, but I continue for myself.”
To illustrate this, Dr. B shares a simple analogy: Imagine going to the gym. After the first few days, you don’t see any visible changes. But after 90, 120, or 180 days of consistent effort, you look in the mirror and see a completely transformed reflection. That’s when it clicks. The same applies to recovery—change doesn’t happen in a day, it happens daily.
The Science of Transformation
Addiction rewires the brain’s neural pathways. Long-term substance use deeply alters physiological and psychological functions. But here’s the good news: rebuilding those pathways is possible. Each time you resist a relapse, you strengthen your internal motivation, reinforcing new habits and behaviors.
Dr. B describes recovery as a hero’s journey—a process of rebuilding yourself. The struggle itself becomes part of the transformation, and over time, sobriety turns from an external goal into an internal commitment.
Three Things You Should Know Before Getting Sober
1. Courage is Essential
Courage means taking action despite fear. Many people worry about who they’ll become without substances. It’s a natural fear, but true strength comes from facing emotions, challenges, and change head-on.
2. Manage Expectations
Sobriety doesn’t magically fix everything overnight. It removes a major problem, but mental, emotional, legal, and relationship challenges still exist. In fact, life might feel harder at first—but real growth happens in discomfort.
3. Everything Must Change
You can’t expect new outcomes while staying in the same environment, maintaining the same habits, and surrounding yourself with the same people. True recovery requires a shift in mindset, social circle, routines, and coping mechanisms. Small, consistent steps lead to massive long-term transformation.
Dr. B’s Additional Insights
✔ Educate & Plan: Learn about recovery options—detox, MAT, therapy. Don’t rely on myths—seek out accurate information.
✔ Expect Challenges: Recovery isn’t linear. Relapses and setbacks happen, but each challenge you overcome builds resilience.
✔ It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint: Real change takes consistent effort over time.
Choose Your Hard
Parham shares an insightful perspective: Both addiction and recovery are difficult in their own ways.
✔ Living with addiction is hard—managing relationships, responsibilities, and daily life while using is a struggle.
✔ Getting sober is also hard—dealing with emotions, past traumas, and rebuilding relationships takes effort.
✔ You have to choose your hard. One path leads to continued suffering, while the other leads to transformation. On the other side of recovery, life gets beautiful.
Final Thoughts
✔ Courage, realistic expectations, and complete transformation are key to lasting recovery.
✔ Choose growth, educate yourself, and be patient with the process.
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See you next time. Peace! ✌️