Hey everybody,
It’s Dr. B, and today’s topic is How to Raise Sane Children in an Insane World. I’m honored to have Parham Nematola with me. We’ve been meaning to do this for a long time.
Parham is a licensed clinical therapist, holds a master’s in social work, is a college professor, and serves as clinical director and COO at Buckeye Recovery, one of the most successful rehab centers in town. He also works in motivation and coaching. His resume is impressive, and many of you already know him from our past collaborations. Parham, welcome!
I have a lot of thoughts on this issue, especially regarding early developmental years—ages 4 to 7. I think many people get it wrong in our society. This is particularly true for those recovering from substance abuse and addiction, as they struggle with guilt and try to be good parents. But honestly, this issue extends far beyond addiction.
We live in an insane world, constantly plugged into our phones, work, and distractions. Many parents don’t fully understand how to truly be present for their children. Trauma is a popular topic in the mental health industry, but many misunderstand it. It’s not just about obvious physical or emotional abuse. There’s also subtle, complex trauma that affects a developing child.
I am not a psychologist, but I deeply adhere to object relations theory—which focuses on healthy self-development and coping mechanisms. I believe this concept is lacking in modern parenting, even among non-addicted parents. Society has made real parenting difficult, and children often grow up searching for meaning, validation, and love in the wrong places because they never found it through their parental connections.
Parham, I’d love your thoughts on this. We’re condensing a complex topic into a short discussion, but we’re drawing from both clinical experience and digestible research.
Parham: Yeah, so one of the deeper levels of my education is actually in marriage and family therapy, with an emphasis on child development. When working with adults, it is irresponsible to ignore the previous developmental stages that led to their current state. We are not just who we are today—we are shaped by moment-by-moment interactions with our environment from the time we are in the womb until now.
I love how you started discussing trauma. Many people think of trauma as things that happen to us. But trauma is also the things that didn’t happen but should have. For example:
A child who never experienced emotional validation.
A child who never had a safe, consistent parental figure.
A child who never learned healthy communication skills.
These missing pieces create long-term developmental gaps.
Many recovering parents struggle with regret and guilt, thinking about all they should have done better. But let me tell you this: Most people I’ve worked with come from dysfunctional families. They never received what they needed to become emotionally present adults.
How can you give something you never had?
That’s why reparenting yourself is just as important as learning parenting skills. You must heal your inner wounds before you can fully show up for your child. Sometimes, reparenting happens through therapy, mentorship, or simply learning self-compassion. When a parent is whole and connected to themselves, they are finally capable of being present for their child.
Parham, I’d love to hear your thoughts, but here are a few practical tips I think every parent should consider:
Being in the room is not enough – If you’re with your child but scrolling on your phone, taking work calls, or distracted, you are not really there. Kids sense this, and it affects their emotional development.
Children are intelligent, but they are still children – They may understand more than you think, but their brains are not fully developed. Be mindful of how you speak to them and what you expose them to.
Lead by example – If you say one thing but act differently, your child will notice. Children learn more from watching you than from what you tell them.
Put down your phone – Social media, text messages, and emails can wait. Your child needs your presence.
Parham: Parenting is a sensitive topic. No one wants to feel labeled as a bad parent. Many people are genuinely doing the best they can with the tools they have. But here’s the truth: Even if your childhood wasn’t your fault, as an adult, it’s your responsibility to learn, grow, and evolve.
If you don’t, the past continues into the future. That’s how multi-generational dysfunction persists. Think about this:
How many kids promised themselves they would never repeat their parent’s mistakes, only to grow up and find themselves doing the same thing?
How many parents have hurt their children unintentionally because they never healed their own trauma?
Breaking these cycles takes vulnerability, therapy, education, and commitment.
Parham: One thing I tell both parents and those who resent their parents is this: Everyone is going through life for the first time, including our parents. Sometimes, we don’t need to be so hard on each other.
Dr. B: I agree. Everyone is doing their best, but let me challenge you: Everyone can do better. Parenting takes courage. If you want to raise a child who is emotionally healthy and resilient, you must be willing to step up and make sacrifices.
You might lose friends. You might lose a job. You might have to make hard choices. But I have seen people take the leap, and nothing bad happens—in fact, better things happen in the long run.
Children don’t just need physical closeness. They need emotional proximity—your full, undivided attention. You can be sitting right next to them, but if you are disengaged, they will feel miles away from you.
Kids know when someone is not present. They pick it up instantly.
Parham: That’s why parenting is an opportunity for personal growth. When you put away distractions and engage with your child, you mature emotionally. It’s a selfless act that makes you a better person.
Today, we covered how to raise sane children in an insane world. The key takeaways:
Reparent yourself before parenting your child.
Children need emotional, cognitive, and physical stimulation.
Your presence matters more than you think.
Breaking generational cycles takes awareness and commitment.
We have more content coming soon, including an ebook titled How to Be Successful in Recovery, co-written by Parham and me. It will be completely free.
Don’t forget to like and subscribe! We’ll see you soon. Take care, and peace.